So what is there to do late at night when you're all by yourself?
I'm bored out of my mind.
... Okay, and I'm not exactly alone.
Jr and his friend Steph are in the living room watching TV, mom and James are in their room (yea... whoopdy fucking doo, James is home.), Matthew's in bed, and I'm on the computer ~ never would've guessed, would ya?
I wish Anthony was here. We only spent 3 hours together today. (lol) Yesterday we were together all day since he woke up except for like... 3 hours. One was cause we were about to eat and mom told him he had to leave... so he went to Wendy's and got food. And the other two were cause he had to go home for a while, then he came back over. It was really nice. Hmmm... I still think I should've just gone inside when no one answered the door. I knew he was home. But I played it safe and called him and woke him up to tell him I was outside his house.
... hey, he'd told me around midnight that he wanted me to wake him up later that day, so I did.
But yea, I'm really bored. I would be on the phone w/ Tony, but he left to go to his mom's house like an hour ago and a lot of time he doesn't use the phone too much when he's there. If I get to the point where I'm dying to talk to him I can just call his cell.

Anywho... yea, I woke up today (for the third time) around 3pm and when I came out to get something to drink James was sitting out in the living room.
... what a thing to see first thing when you wake up. I dunno, I'm just not too cool by him.
I know tho... I sound like really cruel and cold hearted when I start talking about James, but I have my reasons. Mostly that he's not my dad yet he still treats me like he is. He acts like he can run my life and make all of my decisions for me.
He'll never be my dad tho... no one will.
My dad died back in 1995, when I was five years old. For the longet time mom, Cheryl, and me made it thru life (recooperating, selling the house in Maryland, accepting that he was gone, and moving to Florida) just fine. Right before my 10th birthday my mom met James. I knew it was gonna be hell from day one. He hadn't even been at our house for and hour and he was already yelling at me about stuff that I was "doing wrong" that my mom had always let me do. Then he got mad at my mom cause she was spending time with me and my sister instead of him and his son.
It's just all been fucked up since he came around. About the only thing's I'm glad about are 1. that I met Jr, 2. from the moving around that we've done I've met people that I'll never forget, and 3. we came here and I go to school with some of the greatest, craziest but greatest people in the world and I'm with Anthony.
But still, over the course of five years, and only 3 good things have come out of this for me.
Hell, he's actually the main reason that I became a cutter. And what sucks about that is... no matter how long it's been... a day, a week, a month, a year, three months, a week, and two days... since the last time I cut I'll always be classified as a cutter.

i kno what thats like... once you do it, even if you stop, it's always there. i would do anything to change my classification as one. Try not to let James get in the way of your life. Your have anthony and your friends and he could never change that or take them away. i hope everything gets better LYLAS!!!! -Brii-
» Midnight on 2005-08-14 05:38:37

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